God has been working hard in my heart and mind over the last couple of years.
I've always been a my way, my time, my agenda, my schedule and my plans kind of gal and it's been particulary touch being ill (especially without any type of diagnosis for two years - I'll write more about that later!), and not being able to meet the agendas I had set for myself.
In the last few weeks - ever since my cousin died (which I'll also write about later) - I've been convicted of a few things.
I've been working to do things I shouldn't be doing, I've been too focused on myself.
Me. What I want to do.
Not what I should be doing. Not what God wants me to do.
I have always felt that God has called me to be a scientist, a Physicist to be exact, and a professor as well as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc. That part hasn't changed.
What has changed is my additional agenda. Nothing like being sick to tell you what you really don't need to do!
Keeping my house? Fine - but don't go overboard.
Sewing, crafting, scrapbooking, embroidery? All fine too - but not at the expense of other things.
Obsessing over our ever-changing budget? Nope - not worth it.
Taking on commitments that sound good and are worthwhile but take time away from stuff that is more important? Nope. Really bad idea.
What do I must I do?
My God - my relationship with Him comes first and foremost - without Him I have nothing and can do nothing and can be nothing.
My family -building relationships, loving my husband, training my children, and caring for my family.
My Schoolwork - finishing this PhD is of utmost importance if I'm going to end up where God is directing me to be.
My Teaching - a commitment and vocation God has called me to and therefore must be placed above other things.
My relationships with others - relationships are it. Without them, it doesn't matter what else we have.
Basic needs - a clean, comfortable home; clean, comfortable, appropriate clothes; good, basic, healthy food; and taking care of the things the Lord has blessed me with. It doesn't matter if they're the latest, newest or 'best'.
None of these things are easy or without complications. And I need to be careful. I tend to still want to do it "my" way.
But the thing I've been convicted of is that if I stick to the list of things God has given to me and let the rest go, He will do the heavy lifting, giving me strength when I'm weary and peace when I'm troubled. He will carry the burdens of forgiveness, temptation, hurt, greed, and sorrow. And will give me the load of joy, peace and security.
A conviction worth carrying.
Soli Deo Gloria. Always.